after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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