White coat. Heels.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
