Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
