I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize