she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
