i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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