She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
