I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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