Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
