just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
