the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Text me some of your sweat
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
