I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
