Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
