You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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