she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
