And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize