there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
