I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
