In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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