these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
