My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
