Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just had sex bonerless
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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