You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
