The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
