WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's even glitter on my cock...
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