How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
