btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
