yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
