Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
