a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
