Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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