Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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