He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
