Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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