My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
PANTIES FOUND
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