I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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