Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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