just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
