You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
