The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize