I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize