You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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