she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
