So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this hospital has no fireball
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
