What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
