wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
