there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
