Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
