where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
