In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
