youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
