The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
