There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
