to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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