Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
