what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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