and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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