if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Porn is love you can see.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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