She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my being single is dangerous.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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