I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
