I faked an abortion last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
