i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
