Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
