i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
